Because making the librarians mad is bad.
All right, I'm back, folks. Did you miss me? 😃
No? 😡 Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. HAHA, but seriously I needed a mental health break, but now I'm back with a vengeance and there's no escaping.
Btw, this person is LOLHOLHOL hilarious (the one in the picture). She reminds me of my librarians, funny, awesome, and super stylish. (No, I'm not joking.) BUT, we must discuss some things that you couldn't say to this super epic shades woman BECAUSE... well, because that's the topic of today's blog. (in which Hannah gets super meta, but only kind of)
Librarians are awesome creatures, and they are not to be trifled with. Doing so can result in serious damage. In a way, librarians are like those medications on TV: Guaranteed to make your life awesome. *dancing people in backgroud* Will fill your life with information and joy. *people smiling* Opening new worlds for you to explore. *ecstatic family euphorically jumping up and down on a pristine new yacht* Side effects include: paper cuts to eyeballs, scorching lectures, perfect literary comebacks, expulsion from library via high heels to backside, and DEATH. 💀
Do we really want to go there? But before you flip the channel and give up on librarians all together, remember that these things (unlike drug side effects) can easily be avoided if you just treat librarians properly and never do a few key things. I shall elaborate. NEVER--
ONE--Tell a librarian they are stupid.
Because they are not. Did you know that librarians have to get a MASTERS IN LIBRARY SCIENCE? That's like 6 YEARS OF EDUCATION. Do you have that much????? Plus librarians READ ALL THE THINGS so #You'reBeat #EndOfDiscussion
Or maybe not. I have to say another thing here. Just like...why? Why would you call a librarian stupid? They are very smart and educated, but just besides that, say you found a kind of stupid one (just for the sake of discussion) you just don't walk up to someone and tell them they're stupid. I mean, common decency, PEOPLE!
Side effect: DEATH BY LIBRARIAN STARE ☠️
TWO--Tell a librarian that they're being replaced by Google, and their job will go extinct.
AHAHAHA. EXUCSE ME? First of all: EXTREMELY RUDE. Second: EXTREMELY FALSE. Librarians are not, I repeat not going extinct. They will outlive you. They will outlive your granddaughter. THEY WILL OUTLIVE THE UNIVERSE BECAUSE THEY WILL FIND A WAY TO TRANSCEND SPACE AND TIME.
But yeah, this is also something you just don't tell someone, especially someone you don't know well. How would you like it if I walked up to you, a person who's probably in debt for a great job you love and believe in and know helps people tremendously, and tell you "Btw, you know your job will be extinct in five years." HAHAHA. You're not coming out of the library alive after this one.
SIDE EFFECT: see above 😵
THREE--"The internet can find things better than you can."
Mmmmmm. Really? Okay so next time you want a librarian to get you some records the internet doesn't have, or need them to find a book that isn't shelved right, or need help learning about something that's frankly too embarrassing to look up... that's right, you're on your own. Actually probably not, because see, librarians are nice wonderful people and will probably forgive you for telling that they were less than Google. Do you feel guilty now?
SIDE EFFECT: crushing guilt 😰
AHAHAHA? EXCUSE ME? You are not a human, but a beast. I think you're ugly too.
SIDE EFFECT: being ignored by all librarians for the rest of time because you are not worthy to be glanced upon. ❌
FIVE--Commenting on a librarian's age.
YEP, they're so much older and wiser than you, SURPRISE. Or maybe they're so much younger and wiser than you... DOUBLE SURPRISE!!! In any case, just don't. Because trust me, they'll be DEFINITELY be judging your age too. And other things like your FACE, and your (UN)GOOD LOOKS, and your SMELL, *gags*--why don't you people shower before you go to the library? Like seriously.
SIDE EFFECT: the all-compassing librarian judgment 👊🏼
Six--"That's not what happened. Katniss spent an entire chapter moaning about her life and comtelpating suicide while singing stupid songs."
WHOA. Wait. WHAT? did you just correct a librarian? 😦
First of all, yes Katniss did do that, (I know this for a fact) okay so maybe your librarian was wrong if they said e.g. "Katniss immediately went to District 12." Yep, wrong, BUT DOES IT REALLY MATTER? Liberians read hundreds of books, and sometimes things get blurred. Especially since that's pretty much what Katniss did in the movie and all (most) the librarians read the books before the movies and may not have reread them, but REALLY? Is this THAT IMPORTANT that you have to call them out on it? Because it probably isn't. And it's just going to piss off your librarian. AND actually you may be wrong. Because nine times out of ten, your librarian knows more about the book than you and... BOOM that librarian gets out the book and shows you the proof and your face, my (not) friend, is dead.
Side effect: previously stated 😲
SEVEN--"Your book recommendations were dumb."
Well, they may have been to you, but those books were probably perfect for other people. Books = subjective. What you think is crap, someone thinks is gold. I got annoyed with The Memory of Light, but let me tell you, that's an important book. Just because you think something is dumb, doesn't mean it is, and that also doesn't give you the permission to just walk up and SAY THAT TO YOUR LIBRARIAN. I MEAN ARE YOU ASKING FOR FACE DEATH? WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE ASKING FOR FACE DEATH? Maybe this has to do with everyone thinking life sucks. If you want to commit suicide JUST ASK YOUR LIBRARIAN FOR HELP, OKAY? She can get you books and information to help you. FACE DEATH IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO GO, trust me. (Also maybe read The Memory of Light, since that deals with suicide?)
Side effect: epic librarian disproval 😒, possible face death 😵
EIGHT--"Can you fix my plumbing? Here's the problem: my sink..."
I mean, you can try, but there are some things a librarian can probably not help you with. This is one of them. Maybe they can get you a plumbing book, but don't expect them to walk you through the process verbally because that's something that a plumber would know, not a librarian.
Side effect: plumbing book insertion into your face 😳 📖
NINE--"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BABY. MARRY ME."
Um. I hope the librarian knows you very well, and you've been dating her for A WHILE. Because otherwise you are a creepy large raw oyster and should go apologize right now, take back your words, and move to a rural area without libraries.
Librarians do NOT HAVE A PENCHANT FOR CREEPY STALKER PEOPLE. They will not take to you kindly. They will NEVER LIKE YOUR FACE. Also you should exit the library immediately while you still HAVE YOUR FACE.
There's a time for intimacy. And a time for yeah, you can't say that. If you really want to marry your librarian, date her for a while first.
Side effect: you will cease to have a face #ouch 😶
TEN--"I hate libraries, and I think they're useless, and I don't even know why they still exist. Books suck."
My dear (not) friend, why are you even still in the library telling the librarian this?
Side effect: Immediate ejection from library via rocket blaster 🔥🤕
Okay, people. I hope you found these helpful. Or at least funny. Writing them I realized that a lot of these come down to: "You (librarian) know nothing." You know what I think of that?
I know, I know. I couldn't resist; I just had to put my fave gif in.
If there are any other annoying/jerkish/bad things people tell librarians be sure to lemme know in the comments. Or things that just people say to library workers in general. #AllLibaryWorkersAreImportant
Also, library worker, I think you're awesome, and I love you. 😍(but I don't want to marry you) #NeverBeTheCreepyStalker #ProperWayToComplement
Is the crazy Wranting Writer and Lordess Lady of the blog b/c she says so.